I’ve been busy….

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything here.

In mid-August, my dear friend of 50 years, Bill Little, passed away. He’d been in ill health for a year or so, yet his passing broke my heart. Since I’d met him at age 19, he’d been my employer, my meal ticket when I was a poor college student, my mentor and encourager, my confidant, my friend. I was honored to help write his obituary, and in doing so, memories and gratitude washed over me, leaving me stunned at the loss.

Then, just eleven days later, one of my closest friends died from metastatic breast cancer. This one shattered me. Laura and I could have not been more different from one another. Competitive, accomplished (she had been a commercial airplane pilot, a stockbroker in New York, and was a pharmacist during the last 30 or so years of her life), honest—even blunt—to a fault. I was a world-class people-pleaser with few boundaries and even less confidence. Yet through almost 40 years of friendship, we made one another better people. She encouraged me, urged me, bullied me into being stronger, and I like to think I smoothed away some of her rough edges. Our sons became best friends and our families were practically one. We saw one another, called, or texted one another almost every day. And now I’m left with these flash-thoughts, a dozen times a day…”I need to ask Laura what I should take for this cough,” or “I’ll see if she wants to go to Costco with me,” or “I need to send her this hilarious reel.” It’s as if I’ve lost an appendage.

Laura and me, Kenya, 2013

It was my honor to be with her during her last days, and to help write her obituary.

And five days later, my son married his long-time love in a beautiful and touching ceremony. My 91-year-old mother and my 90-year-old daddy were able to attend; Pat, Laura’s widower, set his grief aside for just a moment to celebrate with Hays and Meg. I had always imagined I’d cry as Hays and I danced our mother-son dance, yet seeing his joy and his love for Meg, I was overcome with gratitude.

Three days later, I somehow managed to speak at Laura’s memorial service. In October, I spoke at Bill’s Celebration of Life. That month we celebrated Randy and Lester’s birthdays, the 20th anniversary of Randy’s near-death at the hands of three pesky wasps, and the 25th anniversary of Lester living with us. Spent the next week celebrating another “bestie’s” 70th. And in early November, we were blessed to gather our entire family to honor our patriarch, my precious daddy, as he turned 90.

“Big Brother” Jackie Hays, “Baby Brother” Jeff Hays, me, and The Coach

Grief…Joy…Grief…Joy.

Ain’t that how it goes.